Physical pain is only a symbol of true pain which is of an emotional and spiritual nature. When that idea is entirely understood the most horrendous and agonizing physical traumas a body can endure become wholly bearable.
There are times when a person just has to write regardless of how busy they are. But I would not give up my healthy and well rounded schedule now to revert back to numberless nights of sleepless writing.
The fact is right now I’ve never been more able—and stable in my life. I enjoy my work greatly, I love church, I love church ball, I love tai chi, I love skating, I love being able to function properly for more than moments in a day, I love my schedule, and I, for the first time I think in my life, I see that my future is really bright. I understand that these things aren’t my source of peace but rather external blessings from finding it within myself. I believe that, yes, there are things that cause us to be greatly happy, but true peace and wellness come from our own depths, and it is brought to the light when we search with all of our hearts. If we always only rely on another person or external things to cause our happiness we will never attain wholeness because our happiness is dependent upon another.
Our minds and our hearts—our souls are, as if I could say designed from before existence to extend our abilities and consciousness into Eternity. The ever critical mind vs. the ever forgiving heart clash and cause much confliction of thought and desire. But the spirit of a man chooses its own reality by bringing to pass what he cannot deny to be true.
Can a soul ever completely shun something it considers to be a part of itself? Can a person hate something he/she considers beautiful? Can a man deny his conscience when all else so easily dismiss it as unimportant or contrary to what one should believe?
I speak all of these things with the ultimate idea of humility within the grain of my words. I can only love when I am passionate, my passions only are real when I am persistent in truth, my truths are only true when I choose goodness when I am alone, my solitude is only loneliness when I am carnal, my solemnity is only grave when I think only of myself, my conscience is only clear when I am simply the person that I am, and I am only me when at last I am passionate about those things that I love.
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