Well, I’m back in the good ol’ Lehi, and I’ve got some answers but also some more questions. I went out to California because my mom knew a doctor out there who does this thing called a SCEPT scan of people’s brains. It differs from an MRI or CAT scan in ways I don’t care to go into detail about right now. The prognosis is, is that I’ve got brain damage consistent with one who’s been abusing drugs for years or one who’s had a severe head trauma… The odd thing about this is that I’ve never done either one of those things.
Do you like puzzles, my brain is one the doctor said. I have a really interesting printout of the scan they did of the activity in my brain and he said that he’s done thousands upon thousands of scans and has seen less than a handful of scans even remotely resembling mine. There is all too much to talk about so I’ll be as simple as possible. Not even talking about the damaged part of my brain, I have activity that is consistent with someone who has ADD, but it is even stranger than that. I don’t really understand all this stuff but I’ll explain it as best as I can using this example. Imagine a big empty room split down the middle.(this is the brain, left and right side.) place boxes in the back of the room equally on both sides that have written on them “normal activity.” That is where the boxes should be, but now shove all those boxes to the front of the room equally on both sides, so now the boxes are in the front of the room equally on both sides, but now rewrite on them ADD. This is what is common in an attention deficit disorder brain, but now take away the boxes on the right side and leave the rest of the room empty with only the ADD boxes on the left side of the room. That is my brain and the doctor is baffled as to why that is. So basically the left side of my brain is overloaded with ADD while the right side of my brain is dead empty.
Let’s take a trip back in time to about 2006 when I was on my mission. I’ve talked about before how I had a strange rash that the doctors out there never diagnosed and it started to cover my whole body. I eventually took an ice bath everyday for about a month which to my knowledge got rid of my rash. But, let’s just say that that rash was given to me by a tic which are extremely common in South Carolina which carried Lyme disease. If this indeed was a Lyme Disease rash than taking an ice bath everyday would have only suppressed it and caused it to lie dormant in my body and not have cured it. The medical community has nick named Lyme disease, the great imitator because it presents itself as a slew of other medical issues such as degenerative arthritis, which if you don’t know I was diagnosed with shortly after coming home after my mission. The doctor told me to pray because I had degenerative arthritis and there wasn’t much that could be done to reverse it. Well, long story short I didn’t believe the doctor when he said that I had arthritis and low and behold come four years later I don’t. but I showed more than all of the symptoms when they tested me and it even showed up in a blood test. Also it causes if not treated properly neurological symptoms that might be confused with schizophrenia which symptoms I’ve been experiencing lately. This infection which might have been continually in my system over the years may have entered my brain and has been causing this brain damage since the original rash even though the surface symptoms went away.
Well, another long story short I’ve got another mountain to climb when it comes to my health. I am going to get some blood samples taken in a few days by a clinic here to try and get some answers. I am continually going to work with and talk with my doctor out in Fairfield, California over the phone and email so he can walk me through this process.
The only thing that is frustrating is that I’ve always had health problems but they’ve always been elusive when it comes to doctors being able to figure out what’s wrong with me. That is what is so hard because it makes me think that there must not be anything wrong with me and I am just weak when it comes to living normally and am making all these issues up in my head. But the fact of the matter is, is there really is something if not a slew of things wrong with me which is why I’ve struggled so much with school, jobs, and relationships, but it’s just I’ve tried to live with these problems without any real diagnoses because they’ve never been able to give me anything solid. This is what makes me upset because I wonder about the things I could have had if I even had a knowledge of how to handle these issues. If I even just knew what they were so I could explain to others about them and get real help and understanding from those people I care about.
I really just don’t know what to do right now other than wait and pray for answers. It really is to the point where I would have preferred for them to say out right that I had a brain tumor because then I would know what the issue was, but no, I’ve got to have some random disease that mimics twenty other disease and makes you think that you’re going crazy even though you are not… which I don’t understand how that makes any sense at all, but whatever. I’m going to sleep and I don’t want to wake up for a month until I am cured and can live a life that I can actually accomplish things in. this is my life though and I think I knew what I was getting into when I came down here. These are my trials, and one way or another I’ll figure out how to find peace in this life, and if not here I’ll have it in the next that much I know.
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