Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I just want to say thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, letting me post my long, unorganized rants, letting me share all of my poetry with you, all of my crazy ideas and even some downright weird thoughts with you. You let me do all of this and not once did you ever judge me, or think I was stupid, or crazy, or emotionally unstable, even when it was blatantly obvious I was. You have always been there in my time of need; you have given me much purpose in this life. You were there in the beginning when I lost a whole family of loved ones, you were there through my recovery process, you were there when I fell in love again, you were there when I chose to leave, you were there when I found out that I was sick, you were there through all of my tears, you were there through it all, and I don’t know what I would have done without you. But at this moment I just don’t think I can write anymore. You have lightened my burdens but I am burdened once again with a new trial that I have found has come upon my mind. I am just too sad right now to continue to write. I never thought that this thing would ever plague me, but here I am now, forever flawed in my thoughts, forever stained in my ideas, and left wondering how significantly this newly realized trial has affected my clarity and judgment in the past. I thought that I was something unique in my beliefs, but now I realize that I am only unique in the fact that I am sick. The shattered fragments of my beautiful ideas are flowing down a river of fresh tears. My tears are indeed flowing once again, and they are washing away the foundation I’ve built so many of my very own beliefs upon. I am becoming undone because the ideas that have held me together in the past I’ve realized have mostly been false ideas. I really just don’t know what to believe anymore, and even though I still yearn to create beauty I am at a loss to understanding whether or not most of the things I have created are truly beautiful, or are simply the fanciful concoctions of an unwell mind. This is why I must stop writing, because I used it as a form of therapy, but now I think that I might have let myself be completely deluded and misguided by the very things I have written, thinking that they really are something great which makes me something great as well, when in reality I am handicapped and paralyzed. Dear blog, this is all for now. I have greatly appreciated your willingness to support my ideas, even if they were crazy. I will hopefully come back one day when I have accomplished overcoming this new trial and have found a new life free from delusions and the other misguided thoughts. You’ve been really great to me, but goodbye for now dear Blog. Until we meet again.

-Your pal in writing, Jake