My OCD about Truth

My OCD about Truth

My life is continually colored by masses of unbalanced chemicals produced by my brain. Basically what I mean be that is I can hardly ever trust the way I am feeling. These torrents of fluctuating emotions are a problem in and of themselves, but it triggers and creates another crippling problem. That is that I don’t ever really know what is normal or the way I should feel, which makes another problem which causes me to question the very existence of reality. I walk a careful line in this problem because if I can understand that this really is a problem than I can keep my mind about me and be rational in real life, but if I start to lose myself in this world of strange, never consistent thoughts and feelings, which I regret to say that I have a few times in the past, than I start to believe along the same lines of how I feel. I mean by this, that the things I know to be true, and the things I feel are not the same thing. For example, there are moments when I feel that I have really messed my life up and I can’t ever make it better, and there are moments when I feel like I’ve really hurt or scared someone by things I might have said to them and because of that they will never want to see me again, but for the most part I know those things aren’t true even though I experience the emotional consequences of if they had been true. I don’t know why this burdens me, but it has caused me to search out and yearn for something never changing and always consistent, and what I’ve found in my searching through the foggy corridors of my mind is that the only thing that never changes is truth itself. This is what I have designated as my constant in this life. That no matter how many waves of clashing and horrendously painful emotions are aroused in me I have that Iron Rod that I can clasp a hold to with all my strength and heart. This is why I am fascinated with true principles, true people, true events, and anything else that embodies this light that is truth itself. This has caused me to look for truth in other people, and caused me to be attracted to people with that type of unique truth in them that I can see, because they are being in physical form my constants. It is strange I know but I can only do what I can do. Long story short, I need the truth, because it is beautiful, and my negative, painful, inconsistent emotions are not. Truth is truth and it never changes, and in this truth that has just been given, this is where lies Eternal Salvation.