The Hike

I went hiking yesterday for the first time in quite a while. I went to Battle Creek Falls up American Fork canyon and took with me my camera, a notebook and pen. I would have taken my laptop but I am sadly out of one at this time. There is a genuineness to the meek pen and paper though, especially out in nature. It is short, but this is what I wrote:

As I sit here in front of this waterfall, I think about what my purpose really is here in this life. I feel and think so much differently out here when I can breathe the fresh air of nature. It is almost like I can hear what that waterfall is trying to say, and it is inspiring and definitely clearing.

I find myself searching for something; something I am not sure even exists anymore. Either it does exist and I am the only one who sees the vision of it, or I really have just lost my mind and there is no saving me. Sometimes I am so sure of myself, and other times I am lost as to what is even real.

Sitting here on these rocks, watching the sun go down over the city to my right and the water fall to my left, I think that this really is a different world out here, even just mere miles that separate the congested, confusing city lights from the natural, mostly untainted truths of nature. Even time seems to flow differently out here as opposed to my life in the city. Sometimes it feels like I am lost in a vortex of darkness that makes even time and light go by slowly and inconsistently from which I just can’t escape in the city. Those are the times I am confused and distorted in my thoughts, those are the times I feel bad about myself, but these thoughts I have out here are, and I can’t deny it, beautiful and inspiring. I am inspired to love life and to share that love with others when I am out here partaking in even the simple grandeur that is this waterfall. How can I keep these feelings about me all the time, even in the city, this is where I need to stand out so as to be able to share with others my thoughts in a clear, un-hazily, un-distant manner. This is where I need to bring those inspiring ideas to those around me in friendly acceptable ways without seeming as if I am trying to speak truths through a fog of misconception. I just want to love people, and I want people to know that I love them, and not think that I’ve just lost my mind. Sometimes I feel I have though, but not when I’m out here. This is where I can really understand my potential without those horrible sinking feelings that come over me so often. What am I to do? I suppose I am to simply keep trying my best and something will come. I just have to keep believing and pray that my weaknesses will not stop the blessings I am searching for to come to me. Maybe I should stop searching and just live my life with these beliefs in my heart.

I look out upon those city lights and I feel something I simply can’t explain in words. Maybe I feel something that others who’ve felt misplaced in their roles throughout history have felt in their hearts as they too have searched for something they long for. Something they too have felt like they’ve been eternally separated from, something they seemingly can never get back. Maybe I will someday be reunited with that clarity of thought and soul and eventually get back home. I don’t know how but I yearn for it, I hope for it, and I pray for it. I believe in my dreams, I can’t help it, it is just something that I can’t deny, and I never will.

Well, that’s that. I have to believe that what I’ve written is something good, because I was in a very good place, geographically and mentally when I wrote it. Goodbye for now my dear friends, until next time.

                                    A fellow hiker was able to take this pic of me. I think it pretty cool.