I hope this makes sense to someone...
I recently have been feeling very uninspired. But I just cleaned my room, made my bed, and had a very long conversation with Heavenly Father(something I think we all need to do more often… you know, clean your room then make your bed, and then have a conversation with Heavenly Father. Prayers become something much more than just talking to your bed when you’ve made an effort to clean what you can around you before starting the conversation.) Well, anyway, my knees started to ache but I was too enthralled in feelings I’ve not felt for awhile. What did I get out of my conversation this night? I found something very important, almost as if it were a gem that I’d lost once upon a time. Let me tell you what I learned tonight by telling you of a conflict of understating that I’ve had with the spirit. I’ve always tried my very best to understand the spirit, and let me tell you, it can be confusing sometimes. Confusing, like you might feel the spirit sometimes, but whatever thought you were having that you thought was the spirit never came to fruition. Then you might think that it must not have been the spirit. But nay I say to that. If we pull ourselves out of this rut of trying to figure out what the spirit feels like in any given situation, and focus on what it doesn’t feel like, then is when I believe we can truly be inspired as to what to do. I feel like the next things I say need to be put a very specific way, so I will do my best to translate my thoughts to you in this matter, so focus on the words I use to describe this. To put it plainly, I believe you can know the spirit is speaking when there is no creeping, or looming, or unresolved feeling in your thoughts. These thoughts usually are accompanied by natural, physical responses such as, most prominently, blankly looking down and to the left. Don’t ask me why I say that, but I think it’s true. But here is where I think people get confused upon this matter of determining the spirit from personal desires. If you are praying about something and there is no looming feeling that it is wrong, one might assume that it is right, but after nothing comes of this right feeling, even when prayed about again and again then they get all frustrated that it must not have been the spirit speaking. I could say that you just have to have faith and believe it was still the spirit telling you it was right even if nothing was ever going to come of it to simply try your faith. I could say that, and yes, God does try our faith sometimes, but I think there is a more legitimate road to understanding this thing than to simply say it was to try our faith. Please read this, When nothing comes after you’re positive that it was the spirit telling you it was right, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t right. What I’m saying is, wrong things happen in this world all the time, and yes, it is a tragedy when angels come down and work so hard to inspire someone in goodness, to simply have those beautiful truths that they whisper to our souls broken to pieces by other people who are, at the same time being inspired by the angels of the devil.
I just want to say that the spirit is with us when we show a little respect and faith by getting down on our knees, and simply addressing Heavenly Father and speaking as if we were speaking to someone we love. (Also close in the name of His Son Jesus Christ.) Also, I want to say more about this blankly looking down and to the left. It is what I do a lot when I’m trying to justify in my mind doing something I truly know isn’t right, and I’ve noticed that a lot of other people do it to from observing even complete strangers conversations with each other. I need to emphasize the “blankly” because I think people look down and to the left in other situations but not blankly, such as coming to a profound conclusion, that is more of an actively searching looking down and to the left, it usually is accompanied by a furrowed brow. Well, anyway I’ve told you that I like to observe people and mimic what they do to get a better understanding of what they truly were feeling and thinking. And that’s my problem with myself, because I can’t really observe myself as another would observe me. That is why I struggle with understanding who it is that I am because I can’t mimic myself, I just am myself. Well, back to what I was saying. This blankly staring down and to the left, from what I’ve felt about it is that we are not actually looking at anything in the physical world but rather we are searching our own soul for a never attainable sense of permission in carrying out whatever act it is that we want to do that might not be right. So, and I have to say that at least for myself, when I find myself looking down and to the left after contemplating doing something I’m uncertain of, that is usually, I think inspiration enough that it is not an idea of the spirit but rather my own wisdom that is flawed and human. I feel as though I’ve been looking down and to the left quite a lot lately. That is why I’ve been feeling very uninspired in my actions because I’m justifying too much doing the wrong thing. I have to do what I think is the right thing, and I will do it no matter what. No matter if I end up looking like a fool, because I’ve already done that plenty doing wrong things. I will as Nephi said, go and do. I will choose the right even if I am shunned, or made fun of. I will even if I think it might hurt someone’s feelings because I can solemnly handle a person being mad at me even though it makes me sad, but I can’t stand the Lord being disappointed in my actions or unwillingness to do action.
Ps. Also, when someone is presented with something that is true and touches their hearts they might also then look down and to the left because I do it all the time. That doesn’t mean it’s not true, it means we are either trying to make it not true because we don’t want to accept it, or we do accept it and are ashamed of ourselves. For crying out loud people, just do what’s right, let the consequence follow. Show some faith and stand up when you want to shrink and then when you do shrink, shrink with a prayer in your heart that you’ll have the strength to stand up again. Please, please, do what’s right.
Well, this is what I was inspired to write about this night after my conversation with Heavenly Father. Please respect my thoughts and respect yours as well, goodnight.
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